


Face the Music (cancelled)

by absol_lnk



Category: Splatoon
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Bad Flirting, Boats and Ships, Car Chases, F/F, Human/Monster Romance, Music, Near Death Experiences, Nightmares, Sirens, Yes there Will be a car chase I SWEAR, i would apologize but i am not sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-14
Updated: 2020-02-28
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:15:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22722310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/absol_lnk/pseuds/absol_lnk
Summary: a human au Agent 3 (Ivy) and 4 (Maya) find a siren during a fishing job and Ivy *miiight* just have a massive crush on her. Will both of them come out alive? Will the U.S. government hunt them down?Inspired by and Featuring a character made by (@) talypo on Tumblr. She is why this exists at all. Her siren is so so good
Relationships: Agent 3 (Splatoon)/Original Character(s)
Comments: 18
Kudos: 19





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Talypo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Talypo/gifts).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Blood will be drawn, but whose?

Maya heard Ivy’s boots clomping on the deck until she reached the door, at which she threw it open with immense force.  _ “Maya!” _

“Mhmm?” prompted Maya.

“You won’t,” Ivy panted, “I. There was. I saw a  _ siren _ .”

“Yeesh,” Maya shrugged. “I’ll alter our course. We’ll go around, no big deal.”

“WHat? No, I… You have to see her. You’ll understand.”

Maya sat up. “You do remember how sirena  _ work, _ right?”

“Yeahyeahyeahyeah, I get it, they eat you,” said Ivy, completely dismissing Maya’s point. “But like you have to see her. You gotta.”

“ _ Fiiiine _ ,” Maya groaned, standing up and grabbing a pair of binoculars. She walked out of the cabin and Ivy followed. 

“You can see her from the starboard,” informed Ivy.

“I can already  _ hear _ it,” said Maya.

Ivy ran ahead to the railing, beyond which about a quarter mile away was a jagged rock formation, atop which sat a siren. 

“Look at her,” gushed Ivy. “Look at her tail… it’s like, ten feet long… and her hair… it looks like it’s floating…”

“I have eyes,” jabbed Maya, looking through her binoculars. “She is staring  _ right  _ at us.”

“Isn’t her hair pretty?” Ivy asked nobody in particular. “How does it  _ do _ that?”

“You should’ve paid attention during the cryptid unit,” said Maya. “It’s an illusion. Some really weak magic.”

“Listen to her voice…”

“ _ Ivy! _ ” Maya finally shouted. Ivy looked at her like she’d just stolen her slice of cake. “Are you listening to a word I’m saying?”

“...Honestly, no.”

Maya brought her shirt over her head and groaned. “Ivy,” she said, bringing the shirt back down, “Tell me everything you remember about sirena.”

“Uhhh, they lure you in with their singing and they murder and eat you. Their teeth are kinda sorta like a shark’s, and they can rarely become infatuated with humans. And they have a chance to be gay.”

“Is that it,” asked Maya through her teeth.

“Yeah,” said Ivy. “What if _ that _ one’s gay…”

Maya grabbed Ivy by the shoulders and dragged her away from the railing. “Sirena hunt by enchanting horny people and bringing them right to them. This is exactly what’s happening to you right now, and if you were on this boat alone, you’d probably already have a chunk of your face missing.” Ivy nodded. “That siren over there isn’t interested in you. They’ve evolved to  _ act _ like they’re interested in people. Is that clear?”

Ivy’s eyes were drifting to the left, back to the siren’s cove. Maya shook her and Ivy reconnected eye contact.

“Let me put it in a language you can understand,” said Maya. “You want to have hot sex with the fish lady. She will  _ eat _ you for it.”

“Mhmm,” said Ivy, clearly  _ trying _ not to break eye contact.

“So let’s go inside the cabin and you can forget about it, alright?”

“Well here’s the problem then,” said Ivy. “I don’t know if my sudden incredible infatuation is real or an enchantment.”

“Alright,” said Maya. “Clearly I’m not getting to you. Lemme go get the tranquilizer an-”

Something big thumped against the hull.

Ivy and Maya looked over to see the siren looking right back at them. Specifically Ivy.

“...So  _ that’s _ why the singing stopped.”

She was holding herself up with her hands on top of the railing. She shifted her smiling gaze to Maya, and then back to Ivy. Smart thing. It knew that Maya could see right through its lure.

The siren spat a thin stream of water directly at Ivy’s face, at which Ivy became more of a flustered mess. After stuttering for a few seconds, she asked Maya,  _ “What does THAT mean? _ ”

“She still wants to eat you,” Maya said. Things would be so much easier if she could just kill the siren, but that would result in a depressive episode from Ivy and jail time from the government, and neither of those are good. Conservation of endangered species. smh, smh.

Ivy considered what Maya had said for about 0.4 seconds before she turned back to the siren, who was now holding her hand out to Ivy.

Ivy reached out to take it but Maya tackled her to the deck before she could.

“Stop being horny!” Maya shouted.

“Wait,” said Ivy, “I just got some logic back. I know what to do.” She stood up, dusted herself off, and ran back to the cabin.

Maya glanced at the siren, who was just watching her still. She sighed and went to follow Ivy but she came out just a few seconds later with a package of hamburger patties in her hands.

“ _ Oh _ , no you don’t, that’s  _ our _ dinner, you-”

“Maybe if I give her something to eat that  _ isn’t  _ me, then she won’t want to eat  _ me _ ,” explained Ivy, willing to sacrifice the variety of the rest of the trip’s meals in order to gain the siren’s affection.

The siren just watched. Ivy could see its long, blue tail floating around under the surface of the water. Her eyes shifted from the burgers back to Ivy. Ivy almost doubled over in a coughing fit.

Ivy clawed open the plastic and removed a patty from the package. She slowly held it out to the siren, who looked up at her pleadingly. 

Ivy interpreted this as “For me?” Maya saw it as “Will there be more?”

The siren hesitantly took the patty and stared at it, and then back at Ivy.

“It’s food,” said Ivy, not sure if the siren was getting anything she said. “You can eat it.” 

She sniffed it, then wolfed the whole thing down in two bites. Maya’s sure she could’ve done it in one, but doesn’t want to scare off Ivy. It just watched them while it chewed. Maya thought it was kinda creepy.

“Even if you don’t die, we’re both getting fired,” commented Maya.

Ivy held out another patty for the redhead siren. As she took it, she brushed her hand against Ivy’s in a way that could not have been an accident.

While the siren ate, Ivy asked Maya, “How well can they understand english?”

“Any understanding of english a siren may have is from songs that they’ve happened to hear from passing ships and the like. It’s an acquired skill. Her knowledge is probably limited, and even then, she can only get a grasp on something if it’s in musical form.”

“So if I sing to her she’ll understand me?” asked Ivy enthusiastically, once again only hearing what she wants to hear.

“Maybe.”

“Oh no,” said Ivy. “This is the ultimate test of my character. I hate singing so much,  _ OH. _ ”

Ivy turned to Maya. “Will you judge me?”

“Yes.”

"What? Why?"

"Because you're trying to get to the tiddies of something that's actively trying and succeeding to murder you."

Ivy stopped for a moment, and once again Maya saw a brief strain of Not Being an Idiot flash across her face. Unfortunately, the siren's enchantment won out.

_ "Hey there,"  _ Ivy sang to no tune in particular.  _ "My name's Ivy, what's yours?" _

The siren displayed an expression that wasn't just a blank smile. She seemed to think for a few moments before shrugging. Which means that not only does she know what Ivy said, she also responded intelligently.

At that, Ivy turned to Maya with a stupid grin on her face and Maya had to walk away to refrain from hurting anyone.

_ "Will you eat me?" _ Ivy sang/asked.

The siren let out a high trill that sounded almost birdlike. Not what Ivy expected, but not a bad thing. But what did it mean…?

Ivy ditched that thought and asked,  _ "Can I touch your hair?" _

The siren warbled in agreement and pulled itself further up against the boat's railing. Ivy set down the burgers down and did just as she asked. Ivy noticed that things like scraps of fabric and plastic waste were buried deep into her hair. She also noticed that it no longer appeared to be floating.

Concerned, Ivy pulled out a bit of plastic that was previously used to hold soda bottles together. “Oh no,” said Ivy mostly to herself. “How did all this junk get there…”

The siren took the plastic back from Ivy and nestled back to exactly where it was before, making a sharp chirp noise as she did so.

The gears visibly turned in Ivy’s head for a few seconds before it hit her. “ _ Oohh,” _ she giggled. “It’s a hairpiece. My bad.”

"Hey Maya," Ivy shouted over her shoulder, "I haven't even been eaten! Haha!" As she said this, the phrase  _ oh my god i’m so close to her  _ played in her head on repeat.

Maya came back with the harpoon in her arms.

"Wh- MAYA, PUT THAT ON THE GROUND, RIGHT FUCKING NOW.” The siren looked over, saw the harpoon, immediately recognized it and bolted under the boat.

“If one of you two have to die today, it’s gonna be her,” said Maya, stone-faced.

“Neither of us will die today,” growled Ivy, turning to her. “Give me the harpoon.”

“No,” said Maya, stepping back.

“You can have the trank gun, but not the harpoon,” said Ivy, advancing on her.

Ivy stopped when she noticed the tears in Maya’s eyes.

“Listen,” Ivy started, leaning against the railing, “I’ve seen hot people before, but I haven’t been in love with anyone before. Not romantically, I love you. There is something about that siren that’s just  _ screaming _ at me, enchantment or no, and I know that if I play things smart, it’ll work out maybe.

“And, worst case scenario, I have this,” said Ivy, removing a switchblade from her pocket. Maya knew it was literally worthless against a siren, but she didn’t argue.

Ivy glanced around to see if the siren had resurfaced while Maya went to put the harpoon back in the cabin. What Ivy  _ did _ see was that the siren’s island was suddenly very far away.

Ivy sprinted to the back of the boat, leaned over to see if the siren was below her, and hurled the anchor over the edge. It got caught on something after a few seconds and the entire boat must’ve tilted at least 10°. Luckily, nothing sounded like it broke.

Ivy then went into the cabin, past Maya curled up on the couch, and to the boat’s controls. She performed a 180 and went as far back toward the island as the anchor let her, making sure to lower the speed so nothing was damaged when the line’s maximum length was reached.

Back outside the cabin and against the railing, Ivy shouted  _ “Sireenn!” _ in the general direction of the island, her hope fading. Fortunately/unfortunately for her, she was still under the boat, and she resurfaced when she heard Ivy.

_ “Harpoon?” _ she tentatively asked, surprising Ivy. She didn’t know that sirens could talk in.. regular conversations.

“It’s gone,” answered Ivy, trying to speak simply and clearly. “She put it away.”

The siren shot her a look that translated vaguely to ‘you idiot. I am not that stupid.’

Ivy fully unzipped her coat and spread her arms, showing she didn’t have anything. She hoped that the switchblade wouldn’t come back and ruin her day. “My friend put it away. I don’t have the harpoon. You can search me all you want, it’s gone.”

Ivy guesses the siren believed her because she hesitantly pulled herself up the railing the way she was before.

“Well, welcome back,” smiled Ivy as she relaxed her arms again, relieved. She reached over and scratched behind the siren’s large and oddly shaped but  _ very _ cute ears. As she did this, she knew it was a stupid idea. But she didn’t die for it, so it’s okay.

“Can you climb onto the boat?” asked Ivy.

_ “I can try,”  _ the siren warbled. Ivy backed off to give her some room.

The siren ducked down, then hauled herself all the way over the railing and onto the deck, splashing Ivy in the process.

From head to tail, the siren was at least twice as tall as Ivy. Obviously, she couldn’t support herself on the tip of her tail, so she only stood (sat? Layed?) a little bit taller than Ivy. 6’9” or so compared to 5’11”.

“Stay here, I’m gonna go get something real fast,” said Ivy, run/walking to the cabin. She returned with her cell phone. There was no service out there, but the camera still worked.

Ivy took several pictures. She thought she took several pictures, but it was actually somewhere in the forties. It was a lot of pictures. She had to reassure the siren that it wasn’t a weapon first by using it on herself.

At the end, Ivy stood up beside the siren and took a selfie- the only one she’s ever taken willingly, mind you. “I can censor your boobs, don’t worry,” reassured Ivy. “...Wait, do you even care?"

The siren shook her head 'no.'

Ivy grinned way too hard. "Cool."

Ivy thought for a moment. "Hold on, I'm gonna get another thing. It plays music."

This time, Ivy came back out with her laptop. 

“I don’t like to sing,” Ivy said as she set it up on the counter inside the window, “But I have a different kind of music.”

This was a massive gamble on Ivy’s part. Sirens understand music more than anything else. They’re singers, so they’re used to natural sound. Digital sound had a large possibility of alienating her. It might even make her angry. Hopefully it didn’t. This laptop took three years to save up for. 

Ivy scrolled through her library until she found one of her only slower paced tracks, clicked play, and braced herself.

The siren looked like she’d just found a long lost friend, which Ivy took as Not a Bad Thing. As the song progressed, the siren went from interested to awestruck. Ivy nestled herself under the siren’s left arm and focused her thoughts on not doing anything stupid and just waiting for the siren to make the next move.

When the song ended, the siren looked to Ivy.

“What do you think?” Ivy asked.

_ “Thank you,”  _ the siren said. Ivy couldn’t explain how, but she felt like the siren was looking at her in a different way than before. That was  _ probably _ good? 

The siren shifted its attention to the laptop. She made an odd noise at it, and Ivy became very confused. 

“Do you want to hear another song?” Ivy asked, moving to pick a new one. The siren brushed Ivy aside and warbled at the laptop again.

Only slightly hurt and even more confused, Ivy decided to just watch and see what the siren did.

...That was, until she picked it up and inspected it.

“Wait!” said Ivy, reaching to take the laptop back and switching back to singing mode to communicate easier.  _ “This isn’t alive, it’s just an instrument, I use it to play my music.” _

_ “You?” _ the siren asked.

_ “Yeah.  _ It’s mine.”

_ “Another one,”  _ the siren asked.  _ “Thanks.” _

Ivy chose another song, this one faster. One of her favorites. 

The siren was completely mesmerized by this one, even more than the first song. Ivy bets it was her first time hearing a guitar. Among other things.

_ “Pretty,”  _ the siren commented. Ivy wouldn’t describe the song as  _ pretty, _ but it’s fair to assume that the siren’s limited vocabulary thinks that pretty means ‘good,’ or ‘sounds nice,’ or something similar. Who knows what she’s picked up from other sailors.

Ivy wished she could've spent longer with the siren, but an odd sequence of events unfolded then.

Ivy glanced around. She saw that a small, but still larger than hers, fishing vessel had snuck up on her from behind. Ivy guessed that they shared destinations and that she's only seeing them because she's been stopped for the siren for so long.

The ship honked 'hello' at Ivy's.

The siren's head snapped to the direction of the ship and she smiled. She turned back to Ivy, warbled something non-english at her, ripped off part of Ivy's shirt with her hand, and dove over the railing and off the edge.

Ivy (definitely not blushing super hard) zipped her jacket back up as she watched the siren close the distance between her boat and their ship in a matter of seconds, panicked screams and shouts echoing from it as she did.

The siren reached the ship's hull, climbed aboard, and pushed down the nearest sailor. She sat supporting herself on her arms and butt(?) and used her tail to swat the man into the sea effortlessly. She then dove back headfirst after him, and it wasn't long before all that was left was a red spot in the water. It wasn't until this very moment that Ivy remembered what sirens  _ do. _

The ship did its best to haul ass outta there, and while she was. Enjoying her prize, the siren caught a glimpse of Ivy and waved like a way-too-enthusiastic parent at a little league game. The blood around her mouth and hands really completed the look.

As Ivy waved back, she wondered if she could be held accountable for the death of that man.

Ivy looked to the siren's little island and dashed back to the cabin. She borrowed one of Maya's pencils and marked a huge  **_X_ ** approximately where the rocky island was.

This would  _ not _ be Ivy's last encounter with this siren.

  
  
  


Later that night, as Ivy was getting settled to sleep, Maya asked her a question.

"It's kinda wild that you're alive, huh?"

"I hate to say it," said Ivy, "but I told you I'd play it smart. Both of us and my laptop survived. And I even put the burgers back into the fridge."

"Congrats," said Maya. "What did you gain from this experience?"

"Hope," Ivy answered. Hope for her impractical, selfish, and illegal desire to date that siren.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok now I'm sorry


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter actually comes with a drawing on my Tumblr, @absol-lnk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this is late aaaaaaa

Perhaps buying a speedboat with nearly all that remained of Ivy’s savings wasn’t the best idea. But it was her only option. It had the best balance between fast and cheap. She wishes she could’ve spared a little cash for a pair of goggles, though; the amount of water spraying in her face at the moment is kind of ridiculous.

About a week earlier, she had encountered a wild siren on a fishing job. Not only did the siren never attack her, Ivy thinks that they might've even become friends? It’s hard to tell. Not even a hard wikipedia and nat geo dive gave her answers. The government’s probably hiding that info from the public to keep idiots like Ivy from trying to date cryptids, but it was already too late. Suck Ivy’s ass, government.

What wikipedia did tell Ivy was a bunch of miscellaneous stuff that  _ might _ become useful? Stuff like how sirens are evolving their ‘lures’ (attractive human replica parts) to match the demographic of where they live. I.e., a siren living in an area with a largely female population is much more likely to have male features, regardless of their gender. Ivy bypassed all of this simply by being gay. As for if the siren Ivy saw was  _ actually _ female or if she just looked female- Ivy sure never saw a dick.

All Ivy had with her was a life vest, a map, some sharpies, her phone, and enough food to last her maybe a month. Most of that food would  theoretically not go to Ivy.

Ivy had been speeding down the Pacific for a couple hours before she realized how difficult it would be to find such a tiny, tiny island. Sure, she had it marked on her map, but she had no clue where she was in relation to that fat  _ X. _ The ocean doesn’t offer the best of landmarks.

The stars must’ve aligned, though, because a few more hours and one breakdown later, Ivy saw some jagged rock formation off the edge of a sheer cliff in the distance. Not just any jagged rock formation.  _ The  _ Jagged Rock Formation. It was late afternoon by this point.

Ivy circled it until it looked even more familiar so that she could tell what direction she was facing. The feeling was comparable to  _ finally _ finding your base in Minecraft again after  _ so long _ . The relief was unprecedented. Ivy wasn’t too worried about getting back to California; it's a lot bigger than this island.

Ivy cut the boat’s speed and slowly approached the island, dusk starting to settle in. Another thing that wikipedia told Ivy was that sirena often lived in groups called Bars. Ivy chose to… ignore this information.

Ivy tied the boat to a conveniently placed rock, a rock which also had several corpses stuck onto it, all with varying degrees of intact-ness. Ivy cut the engines completely and inspected the ‘cave’ more closely, opting to ignore the body pillar as well.

It was shaped almost like a dome, its ‘entrance’ on the southwest edge of the island. From the water level to the ‘ceiling,’ it was maybe 11 or 12 feet tall. Speaking of water level, there was no visible place for Ivy to stand- not without getting wet, at least. There  _ was _ a visible floor, but standing on it would drench Ivy to her knees or higher. Past that floor, it seemed to drop off into much deeper water. Ivy bet that her siren was down there.

An odd silence accompanied Ivy’s thoughts on what she should do next. The answer came quickly, but not in a way she would’ve liked.

A faint growl sounded from the cove and Ivy snapped her vision back to it. The siren was out and glaring at her, only her head and shoulders above the water level, fangs bared. She wasn’t bothering to put on the lure show; she was probably thinking something along the lines of  _ free food?? I didn’t know they did delivery. _

About sixty different panic reflexes flashed through Ivy’s mind before she got a grip and fumbled for her phone. She had it powered off to save battery. Hopefully the startup time didn’t end up killing her.

Ivy prayed that pretending to not be scared would delay the siren from pouncing out of her pounce stance for long enough to play a song. The problems with this plan were that sirens don’t rely on fear and that Ivy was atheist.

Finally, Ivy’s lock screen appeared. She punched in her pin as the siren placed her hands on the edge of the boat. Ivy fumbled it and had to try again. The siren rocked the boat, causing her to stumble and fall, catching herself with her elbows. Ivy only saw instinct in her eyes. She wanted her in the water.

Ivy fumbled the pin again as the siren splashed water at her with her tail, nearly totaling her phone. She made a taunting 'come here' finger gesture.

Ivy finally got the pin right and scrolled through her files as she backed up to the opposite edge of her boat. If she fell off, she was as good as dead. 

She found the song she had first shown to the siren and played it at full blast.

The siren took several moments to process this. When she did, she began to sing along, but just in different tones of ‘aaaa’ as the song was instrumental. She let herself float on her back in the deep of the cave.

Ivy suddenly felt sick and she had to sit back down. This was yet another reminder that she was the  _ prey _ of what she was trying to hook up with. She was gonna have to seriously think about what she was going to do if this all worked.

When the song ended, Ivy was worried that the siren would just try to kill her again, but she seemed passive.

Ivy’s natural instinct was to greet her like a long-lost friend, but she didn’t have a name. So instead, she introduced herself. “Hey! Do you remember me?”

To answer, the siren let out a high warble and swam right back up to Ivy’s boat.

Ivy ran her hands through the siren’s hair as she thought about what to do next. She hadn’t planned this far ahead. And she also just narrowly avoided being murdered and eaten.

Oh, yeah. “Hey, why did you rip my shirt?”

The siren dropped back into the deep part of the cave and disappeared.

Before Ivy could think for too long about why that had just happened, the siren came back with the scrap of shirt in her hand.

“...you kept it,” said Ivy. “Why?”

“You,” she chirped, pointing at Ivy. It took all of Ivy’s willpower to not just, let out a huge moan on the spot. Not sexual, just like.  _ Wow.  _ She really did that, huh.

“You took it to remember me,” Ivy said, mostly to herself. “Umm... thank you.”

The siren nodded. Then she took in a deep whiff of the scrap of shirt, and then of Ivy herself, definitely not causing Ivy any surprise or flusteredness. Ivy wondered if sirens could keep track of scents like dogs do.

The siren made another unintelligible sound and dove back into the submerged cave.

She came back out with a large armful of random stuff and dumped it onto Ivy’s boat. Ivy sat down to take a look at all of it.

“Is this all yours?” Ivy asked as she pulled a huge ribbon from the pile. 

The siren answered by taking a pair of goat horns from the stash and holding them up to her head.

“Those are pretty cool,” said Ivy, internally screaming at how dumb that sounded. “They make you a lot h _ -eeee _ **_eeeuuuuggggghhhh_ ** _ h. _ Prettier.” Ivy went back to looking through the pile, now screaming at herself even louder. 

Ivy picked up a destroyed cassette, its tape hopelessly tangled to the point of being unsalvageable. “Do you just get it all from sailors?”

“Most,” the siren answered. “Not all though.” She waved around the horns. She took the tape from Ivy and wrapped it loosely around her neck. The goat that those horns were from must’ve fallen off the cliff above, Ivy thought.

“Well, what about this?” Ivy asked, holding up a small blue flower hairclip.

“Child,” the siren chirped.

“Oh,” said Ivy, slowly putting it back. ”Well, uh... neat.”

This siren dug into the pile herself and removed a few small metal thingies. Cufflinks, if Ivy recalls correctly. “They’re shiny,” warbled the siren.

“They are,” agreed Ivy. Then she remembered that she had brought food. Wow! Thanks, ADHD. You almost ruined that aspect of Ivy’s plan entirely.

Ivy went to her cooler and took out a loaf of sourdough. “Want some bread?” Ivy asked, taking off the packaging. Ivy wasn’t sure if sirens could digest bread, but if they can handle bone and hair n shit, then it was probably fine. She didn’t want to imagine what would happen if it wasn’t.

Siren didn’t answer so Ivy held out a slice to her anyways. “Here, take it.”

Siren played with it in her hands for a moment before she tucked it into her hair.

Ivy was slightly disappointed as she stifled a laugh, although whether she was disappointed at siren or herself is unknown.

“No, no, you’re s’posed to eat it!” To emphasize, Ivy took a bite out of a second slice.

Siren pulled the bread back from her hair and swallowed it without even chewing. It was clear that she wasn’t satisfied.

“Here, take a few,” Ivy said, giving her more. Those at least lasted a couple seconds.

Ivy picked up a fancy looking knife case from the pile as the siren went back into her deep spot. Ivy opened the case but it was empty. She was hoping to see a fancy looking knife. Knives are cool.

Siren came back carrying a wooden lobster trap. She set it down on Ivy's speedboat and then hopped on herself.

“What, you got a lobster in there?” Ivy asked rhetorically. Siren opened the trap. There was a lobster in there.

“My friend,” said siren. Ivy understood at this moment that she had a new problem to deal with.

“ _...Cool,” _ Ivy said. Siren gently picked up the lobster and placed it on her shoulder and Ivy experienced a loud pang of envy.

As a brief self distraction, Ivy dug through the pile one more time. In it, she found a raincoat. It had holes along the sleeves where siren had presumably failed to put in on in the past.

“I can help you with this,” suggested Ivy. Yeah. Definitely not just an excuse to herself to touch the siren.

Siren appeared to think about this.

“You’d need to put the lobster down first, though,” Ivy said. She could’ve sworn it was staring right at her.

“Fine,” siren said with what was probably reluctance. When she put the lobster on the deck, it scurried over to the Pile.

“Hold out your arms like this,” Ivy said, T-posing. Siren followed suit.

“I’m sure you’re not used to this so it might feel a little weird, just bear with me,” said Ivy, sliding siren’s left arm in first.

As Ivy moved to do her right arm, a shaking sound came from the Pile. The lobster now had a singular maraca in its claw. Siren was astonished.

Siren slid over to stare in awe at the lobster, the raincoat falling off in the process. Ivy had to remind herself that the fish lady she was dealing with had the maturity level of about a first grader, despite her looks and whatever her actual age was.

After several minutes, Ivy got siren back into raincoat equipment position. This time siren was less resistant and Ivy got it on before anything could stop her. 

"How is it?" Ivy asked, stepping back.

"New." Better than 'bad.'

"Can I take a picture?" Ivy asked.

"Picture?" siren warbled.

"The thing I did last time with this," Ivy said, holding up her phone. "It didn't hurt, remember?"

"Sure," siren answered. Ivy took this as permission and she lined up her first shot. She was  _ going _ to take it but the lobster started crawling up her leg. “Hey, dude, shoo,” Ivy shooed. “Bug off.” She shook it off and it scurried back to the pile. Ivy still felt like it was looking at her.

In the end, Ivy snapped several more photos than just 'a picture.'

When Ivy was finished, siren went back into T-pose and told Ivy, "Do this” in an almost mocking tone. Ivy wondered if she was being  _ too _ basic to the siren as she followed the instructions.

Siren went back into the Pile and removed an old pair of aviation goggles from deep within it. She stretched them around Ivy’s head and secured the actual goggle part to her forehead. It was still wet. And having two things tightly stretched around her head wasn't the most comfortable thing ever. But it was endearing. And kinda funny considering how having your arms outstretched had nothing at all to do with headgear.

“Now we’re both fashionable,” Ivy commented, loosening the goggles a little. “Not like you needed to look any better,” she added and immediately regretted, hiding her face with her shirt. Siren giggled in an odd but pleasing warbly manner.

Peeking one eye out from her shirt, Ivy changed the subject- "What do you hoard all this stuff for?"

"It's fun!" Oh. Duh. What else would she have to do for fun? 

"How long have you done it for?" Ivy continued, unmasking her other eye. Based on the Pile, it was Long.

"I don't know. A while." Despite this being the least informative thing siren had told Ivy yet, it was the most complex thing she's said structurally. How ironic.

"Is there anything else in that cave?" Ivy asked.

"Nothing that's mine." Wait. Does that mean…

"Do other sirens live here?"

"Yeah." Oh no.

"Where are they?"

"Getting food."

"When do they get back?"

"Soon."  _ Oh no. _

"I, uh. They'll probably eat me, right?"

"Yeah."

" _ WELL,  _ that means that I have to go soon, doesn't it?" Siren nodded.

Ivy awkwardly took a step toward siren and smiled. "Can I keep that raincoat too? To... remember you by."

"Trade," siren said. She tugged on Ivy's jacket. Ivy didn't blush at that. Did Not.

“Deal.” Ivy took off and handed the jacket to siren. She had to help siren get the raincoat back off without damaging it further.

“ _ You,” _ Ivy said, turning and pointing to the lobster. “You’re not going to cause any more problems in the future, are you?”

Lobster ran at her and Ivy had to hold it off with her boot. “Could you leave me alone? Please?”

It gave up and dove off the boat.

“One more thing,” Ivy offered, turning back to siren. “Hug?” She held out her arms, willing siren to agree.

“What’s that?” Shit.

“It’s when you… It’s a thing that people do to show that we like each other,” Ivy cautiously and worriedly explained. “It’s warm, sometimes. Feels nice.” That might be devalued by how touchstarved Ivy is, but it still stands. Hopefully. 

“Then how do you do it?” siren asked.

Ivy showed her.

  
  
  
  
  


“That’s a wacky outfit you’ve got going on,” the clerk told Ivy. Ivy had forgotten that she was wearing a tattered raincoat and some ancient-looking goggles until then. She supposes that that warrants a comment without context. Or with context, for that matter. The goggles did a good job keeping water out of her eyes on the way back to town.

“In a bad way, or…”

“Nah, you’re rockin’ it,” they answered. “Anyways, whatcha need?”

“I’m not buying anything this time,” Ivy said. “I have a questi- well, maybe several questions.”

“Well, spit ‘em out.”

“...How much do you know about sirena?”

“A good harpoon or like, just a gun’ll dispose of-”

_ “I DON _ ’t need a harpoon,” Ivy interrupted. “I. Huurngh. I need information.”

“Really,” the clerk asked rhetorically. “What, you’ve got the hots for one?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh, shit,” they said. “Well, I can’t help you there, kid. I mean, be grateful I don’t send the police at ya.”

“Do you know who can?” Ivy asked. “I’m, what’s the word…. uh,  _ desperate _ .”

“No,” they answered. “But I wish you luck.”

Ivy sighed. “Thanks. Here’s some bread.”

  
  
  


The next morning, Ivy was going to get back to her job because yesterday was the last of her sick days.

Unwillingly, Ivy got prepared to go back out to the ocean with Maya. Before they departed, someone from the returning crew shot Ivy an odd look.

“What’s wrong?” Ivy shouted at her.

She hopped onto the boardwalk and power-walked up to Ivy, her big, curly black hair bouncing as she did so. “Where’d you get those goggles?” she asked.

“Why?” Ivy asked skeptically.

“They seem familiar, is all.”

Ivy glanced around. “If I tell you, you can’t report me, kay?”

“I don’t have the time to worry about reporting you.”

Ivy hesitated. “A  _ siren _ gave it to me.”

“ _ OOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooohhhhhhhh _ ,” the woman went, startling Ivy and a few other workers, including Maya. “This is hog-ass wild if it’s what I think it is.”

“You said you wouldn’t report me,” Ivy warned.

“It’s not that,” she smiled. “You  _ met Taly! _ ”

“...what?”

“When I was like, fuckin,’ nine,” she started, “I was up on the beach north of here, doing whatever nine-year-olds do. I saw a siren just like, sitting there, and my tiny brain registered her as a mermaid because I didn’t pay attention during the cryptid unit every year. So I strolled right up to her and gave her my hairpin.”

“Was it a flower?” Ivy asked, the pieces falling into place.

“Yeah, shit, it was! Anyway, I still don’t know why she didn’t eat me. Maybe she was bored or something. It wasn’t until I was like twelve when I realized, ‘oh, wait, I should’ve died.’”

“I need you to help me,” Ivy said. “I’m trying to. I am trying to date her.”

“You’re stupid,” she said. She didn’t seem to have a filter. “I can help you if you promise not to die because then I’ll go back to jail, and if you let me write down everything you do. What’s your name?”

“I’ll do my best. I’m Ivy, and that is my best friend Maya.”

“Don’t drag me into this!” Maya shouted from the ship.

“I’m Leanne. Get out your phone, I’m giving you my number.

And, alas, as Ivy and Maya were heading off and as Leanne waved goodbye, Ivy felt a renowned sense of confidence that she hoped, desperately hoped wasn’t misplaced.

  
  


_ Epilogue (fifteen minutes later) _

  
  


“I need you to tell me what your plan is with that siren,” Maya told Ivy over her shoulder, sitting at the vessel’s controls. “I’m still certain that she is not good for your health, even if you survived twice.”

Ivy looked up from her phone.”Actually, on the second time, I did almost die. ...I am not helping my case, am I.”

“You’re not.”

Ivy quietly grumbled, mostly because she didn’t have a good reason, and sent Leanne one last message before she had to talk to Maya-

  
  


_ You, 9:58 a.m.: Leanne! It’s me ivy, we've gotta talk _

_ You, 10:00 a.m.: It's important _

_ s.s.anne, 10:01 a.m.: I got you. I should be free to talk next half hour or so _

_ You, 10:01 a.m.: Cool what should I do _

_ s.s.anne, 10:02 a.m.: What do you want to do? _

_ You, 10:02 a.m.: Uhhhhhhhhmm _

_ You, 10:03 a.m.: Date _

_ s.s.anne, 10:04 a.m.: If that’s your goal then you need to know right now that it will not be easy _

_ s.s.anne, 10:04 a.m.: You have to not only befriend taly properly but also dodge the law for a bit _

_ You, 10:04 a.m.: How do I befriend her? _

_ s.s.anne, 10:05 a.m.: Well first tell me what you’ve already done _

**_(Ivy recaps everything that’s happened so far)_ **

_ s.s.anne, 10:28 a.m.: Damn _

_ You, 10:28 a.m.: Good damn? _

_ You, 10:28 a.m.: Or bad damn? _

_ s.s.anne, 10:29 a.m.: Good and wow damn _

_ You, 10:29 a.m.: Now what should I do???? _

_ You, 10:29 a.m.: Wait shit gtg _

  
  


Ivy turned off her phone and turned to Maya. “I have help now. Everything is gonna be fine.”

“She said that she met the siren when she was nine,” Maya argued. “Even if she does want to help you, who’s to say she’s right?”

“She’s a uni student and she’s majoring in marine cryptology so she  _ probably _ knows what she’s doing.”

“Says who?”

“Her.”

Maya sighed. Ivy couldn’t see her face, but she imagined that her eyes were closed. Ivy’s phone buzzed and it took a lot of effort to ignore it.

“My plan is to date her,” Ivy said, finally answering Maya’s question. “If I brought her home, maybe I could pass myself off as a researcher. ‘Researching the effects of domestic life on a wild siren,’ something or other.”

“That’s probably expensive,” Maya warned.

“Leanne probably has connections. And we’re already somewhat credible as fishers.”

“We’d have to get a swimming pool built, and we’d need to get permission from the neighbors and probably the state, and we’d have to spend a Lot of time caring for her, and-”

“Hey, that’s progress,” Ivy interrupted.

“...what?”

“You’re referring to Taly as a ‘she’ now instead of an ‘it.’ That’s good.”

Maya sighed again. Louder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please tell me what you think/if you're liking where things are going!


End file.
